by Stephanie Morrill
Stephanie writes young adult contemporary novels and is the creator of GoTeenWriters.com. Her novels include The Reinvention of Skylar Hoyt series (Revell) and the Ellie Sweet books (Playlist). You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and check out samples of her work on her author website including the free novella, Throwing Stones.
Well, that was some amazing word warring over the weekend you guys! I loved seeing all the support and encouragement you gave to each other.
Those of you who are participating in NaNoWriMo may want to save this post for after November 30th, because now is certainly not the time to look through your manuscript for words you can cut.
As I read through the entries for last round’s contest (the finalists will be announced tomorrow on the blog) I sometimes came across entries that were interesting scenarios with good pacing and smart dialogue, but they seemed a little … something. After studying the writing for a bit, I realized that the problem was unnecessary words kept the story from shining like it could.
- Cliches
- Unnecessary descriptions
- Vague words
- Passive words
- Telling words
- Quantifying words (little, very)
To help illustrate what I mean, I wrote a few sentences of a story to critique:
John gave the door a quick glance. It was deathly silent in the room, and he almost felt like maybe nothing was really chasing him. Suddenly the door opened, and John started to run for his life. His heart was pounding very fast in his chest as he stumbled clumsily down the yellow hallway.
Let’s get out our mental red pens and go sentence by sentence.
I see sentences like this all the time (not just from beginning writers, but in my first drafts too) and it’s a needlessly complicated way to say: John glanced at the door.
A glance by definition is quick, so we don’t need the extra word to describe it, And he doesn’t need to give the door anything, he just needs to do the thing. Same as John doesn’t need to give the door a swift kick or a hard punch or a fresh new coat of paint. John can simply kick the door, punch the door, and paint the door.
Editing challenge: Run a search in your manuscript for the word “gave” (or “give” if that fits your book’s tense) and see if you’ve over-complicated any actions.
Starting a sentence with “it” usually isn’t the right choice. In my final drafts, I always seek out “it” in sentences and ask if I can replace the word with the intended noun. Doing so doesn’t always make sense, but I like to check.
In this case, “it” refers to the room. So it’s better to start with “The room was deathly silent”
But I don’t like that passive voice, so I would drop our unnecessary adverb and change this to, “Silence filled the room.” If you want to describe the silence, I’m sure you can do better than deathly. Maybe unsettling silence? Uncharacteristic silence? Hair-raising silence?
Revised sentence: Silence filled the room.
Editing challenge: Check your manuscript for “it” and “was.” Can you replace it with a specific noun? (You can’t always, but it’s good to check!) Same with was. Unless it’s continuous action (i.e. Jane was stirring the soup when I arrived) then you’ll want to cut was and just have the character do the action.
Revised sentence: Maybe nothing was chasing him?
The phrase “John started to run” implies that John began something he didn’t finish. So instead, John can just run.
“Run for his life” is a tired phrase that is being used to show that John is running with immediacy. Instead of pulling out a cliche, I say we pick a more interesting verb. John could dash away from the door, He could also spurt, rush, or dart.
Revised sentence: The door flung open, and John dashed away.
Editing challenge: Search your manuscript for the word suddenly. Is it a word you can cut? Run a search for “started to” or “began to” and see if they can be revised as well.
John glanced at the door. Silence filled the room. Maybe nothing was chasing him?
The door flung open, and John dashed away. His heart raced as he stumbled down the hallway.