What are your thoughts on failure? What does that look like to you? How about success? (With Nadine Brandes!)

Nadine: Honestly, I believe failure is what you allow it to be. My idea of failure is not doing my best. We often confuse the idea of “my best” with “the best that can be done”. We think that because we didn’t do the best that’s ever been done that we failed. But really, all I can do is my best. And sometimes that doesn’t have really exciting results, but that is where I can find peace about “success”. My success is in writing the best book I can write in the time I’ve been given. And it’s in my heart behind writing it. Since I can’t control sales or anything beyond my own process, I can’t let those things control my feelings of success and failure.

Sounds easy when I say it like that, right? I still have moments where I feel like I’ve failed—like when a book just seems to come out terribly in its first draft, or when I miss a deadline, or when I organize my time poorly, or when I get negative reviews. But I can always come back to the assurance that I am doing my best and I will always do my best, and that is enough.

Stephanie: I’m really not a fan of failure. I don’t like how it makes me feel, and I would never choose it. BUT I also think it’s a very efficient and effective teacher, if you allow it to be. So I try to lean into it as best I can.

Success is a tricky beast because there’s such a temptation to compare. And comparison never really leads to happy, content places. As I’ve advanced in my writing journey, I have gotten better about identifying, “Here is what success looks like to me,” rather than waiting for others to tell me, “You did it! You’re successful now!”

Jill: I’m a productive person. A hard worker. Those aren’t bad things, but not too long ago I learned that I grew up with some bad habits that formed due to some mistaken beliefs, one of which is that I don’t matter unless I’m proving it with my works. I hustle for my worth. I work hard to matter. So, for a very long time, if I wasn’t succeeding by the world’s standards, that meant I was a failure, which also meant I had no worth. I didn’t matter. And writing wise, that meant if my book was rejected, lost an award, or had poor sales, that meant I was a failure. And that’s just not true.

If you relate to that, it’s a lie. Isn’t that wonderful?

The truth is, I matter because of who I am, not what I do or achieve. If I never publish another book, I still matter. I still have worth and value.

That said, I’m an author. (Not the best career for someone who struggles with self-worth issues.) So I’ve had to learn to define success in my own terms, then remind myself continually what those terms are. So I make goals (goals I have control over), I set aside time to work on those goals, and I try my best. And my best has to be success enough. Because there is only one Jill, and who knows what life will bring? Plus, Jill can’t do all the the things she comes up with because she comes up with a lot. 😉

But if I “fail” to achieve my goal, that will be okay. Because I will still matter. I will still have worth and value as a human being. Not finishing a books won’t be the end of the world. There are other stories to write. And if I can’t write, there will be places to go. Things to see. People to spend time with. Writing is one part of who I am, but it doesn’t define me.

What about you, writers? What are your thoughts on failure and success?