“How do you describe things in a story without slowing everything down” This question was asked on our 2018 survey, and it’s one that I get a lot when I teach too. Description was a struggle for me as a new writer, and it’s still an area where I’m actively trying to grow, so here are some things I’ve learned:

Tip #1 Use specific language

One of the quickest ways to tighten your prose and your description all at the same time is to make sure you’re using the best words, especially nouns and verbs. Using specific nouns and verbs means your character doesn’t walk in the door and smell dinner cooking. Instead, she smells marinara sauce simmering on the stove.

Getting as specific as possible with our language minimizes how long we have to pause to describe. Let’s go back to our character who just came home. If we say she comes in and smells dinner cooking, then a little later when she’s in the kitchen, we might learn that it’s marinara. Instead, that specific detail could’ve been handed out initially and we wouldn’t have to clunk up the story with two mentions.

Tip #2 Pick interesting things to describe.

Along with using specific language, showing your reader interesting places, items, and features will keep your story from feeling bogged down with trivial details.

The biggest challenge here is often thinking up interesting things. When it’s appropriate, I like to find something that shows a bit of characterization or quirk. This mostly works well if we’re describing somebody or somebody’s property.

For example, noting that the character’s alpha male boss has a full bookshelf in his living room is fine. Noting that he has a complete set of Jane Austen novels is even better.

Or with character descriptions, it’s really helpful for readers if you give characters a feature that makes them memorable. Jill refers to these as character “tags.” Describing a character as talking too loud or having three eyebrow rings is much more helpful to a reader than “brown hair and brown eyes.”

We also want to make sure we pick important details to describe. If, at the end of your scene, the character is going to throw up all over a very expensive living room rug, you want to make sure to mention said rug in the beginning.

Tip #3 Incorporate all the senses into each scene, not just sight and sound.

Sometimes what we choose to describe lacks dimension because we’re relying on the same senses all the time. If I’m struggling to see a setting clearly, I like to make myself write down what my character can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste.

Now, I’m not sure I can totally prove to you that doing this will prevent the specific problem we’re talking about today (description slowing down your story) but I think it’s worth putting on this list all the same.

Tip #4 Only pause to describe something important.

Now, there are times when you want to slow down the pacing to set the stage clearly for the reader. I did this in Within These Lines when Evalina goes to the concentration camp for the first time. Here’s how that chapter starts:

Dust.

Tar-papered buildings.

Tall fences with five strands of barbed wire snaking around the top.

The echo of hammering as another guard tower is erected.

The soaring beauty of the Sierras overlooking all the ugly dustiness of this prison.

I cannot decide which detail is the most shocking as I stand in the administration building at Manzanar War Relocation Center and stare out the window.

For that scene, I saw that I could use description for dramatic effect, and I really like how it turned out. Trust your gut on this one.

Tip #5 Use beats instead of tags.

As talked about in this post Action Beats Versus Dialogue Tags, tags are things like he said, she exclaimed, and action beats are a sentence of action that accompanies dialogue. (Description or emotion can work too.) Beats replacing tags looks like this, again from Within These Lines:

I blink away the tears that are trying to gather. “I had a letter from Diego before I left.”

Taichi’s gaze slides over to me. “Oh?”

“You probably did too. It didn’t say much. That he misses home but is doing okay at basic training. It’s hard, but he likes it. That sort of thing.” I fidget with the hem of my skirt. “He probably told you that he and Ruby split?”

See how I’m able to slip in bits of description along with the conversation? What she’s wearing, that she is trying not to cry, that Taichi hasn’t been looking at her. Forgoing dialogue tags for action beats is a fantastic way to describe without pausing the story.

Tip #6 Let your point of view character guide the description

Another thing to keep in mind is that you are describing through the point of view of a character, which means you want to choose things that character would notice and you also want to pace yourself.

You know how when you go to a new place or meet a new person for the first time, it takes you a while to absorb all the details? Unless you’re Sherlock Holmes, you just notice a couple of things at first, same as my character did when she was looking out the window at Manzanar for the first time.

The longer you’re in a setting or with a person, however, the more details you’re able to notice. Those are the details you can slip in around dialogue. You don’t have to get it all in at the beginning.

Do you have any tips to share about description?