We’re leaving softball practice, and I already know what the conversation is going to be like on the drive home. Sure enough, my fourth grader talks for several minutes about all the different ways she’s going to practice this week to get ready for Wednesday’s game. How she’ll spend 30 minutes practicing pitching, and she’ll ask Dad to hit fly balls to her. I say, “Sounds great,” instead of what I’m really thinking. No, you won’t. The next time you touch your softball bag will be Wednesday, when you grab it on the way out the door to the game.
I know this not only because I’ve seen the pattern repeat itself many, many times, but because I’m the same way. How many times have I pledged to run more/eat healthier/write 50,000 words in the month of November, and then done nothing? If I’m an adult who can’t muster up the discipline to do something hard, how can I expect my fourth grade daughter to choose differently?
About a year later, we’d dropped softball, but there were still plenty of other things both my older kids claimed they wanted to do but never actually did. Connor would say he wanted to run more, but instead would play outside or turn on Minecraft. McKenna said she wanted to read her Bible more and learn how to type, but would instead draw while listening to an audiobook. They were kids. They wanted to have fun. It made sense.
As my husband and I discussed a chapter from Finish by Jon Acuff, If You Want It Done, Make It Fun, my husband had a brilliant idea. “What if we pick a few of these things the kids say they want to be getting better at, and if they actually work on them a couple times a week, we reward them with an ice cream sundae party on the weekend?”
Our kids loved this idea. We made a spreadsheet (if the word “spreadsheet” is scary, you can instead think of it as a sticker chart. Nothing scary about a sticker chart, right?) with the days of the week across the top row, and their activities down the first column. Currently, it looks like this:
We told them, “To earn your ice cream sundae this Sunday, four of those boxes need to be filled in for each activity. But you don’t have to do it. It’s your choice.”
Then I made a production of buying the ingredients for the most fantastic sundae party ever. Reese’s cups, gummy worms, chocolate sprinkles, rainbow sprinkles, m&ms, Oreos, chocolate sauce, caramel sauce, hot fudge, whipped cream, cherries, and more.
And that first week after they completed their goals, we turned them loose to put whatever they wanted on their sundae and just requested that they use their best judgment on what they could actually eat. While the kids ate, they were already talking about how they would get their goals done next week, and what they would put on their sundaes.
If you don’t mind a couple sugared-up kids—and in this situation, we didn’t mind at all!—that’s a parenting win.
So, what’s your ice cream sundae party?
If you’re like me, you don’t want to need one.
What I really want is to want to want to do the work.
With writing, I mostly do. Mostly, the joy of writing and the sense of accomplishment afterward is enough. The good habits I’ve built over the years push me forward. But if building in a reward makes the whole novel writing process more fulfilling and fun, why not do that?
So, what would feel like a reward to you? What’s your ice cream sundae party?
I think it’s helpful to think through several levels of rewards.
Small rewards
As I mentioned in the previous post, when I’m done writing for the day, I make a note of how many words I wrote. This is a small, dorky reward that I’ve built in for myself.
Or I might say, “When I’ve hit 1,000 words for the day, I get to text my friend and tell her that funny story from last night.” Or, “After I finish my first draft of my blog post, I get to eat a piece of candy.”
You can also go with the marble jar strategy, like many teachers use in classrooms to motivate the whole class toward good behavior. Receiving a class compliment earns a marble. Being noisy in the hallway loses a marble. And so forth. When you have enough marbles, you get to pick a special class activity like wacky hair day, movie day, etc. Maybe for every 500 words, you put a marble in the jar and earn your way toward something special?
Not-small rewards
But some occasions call for something bigger. Like finishing a novel, which is the goal we’re currently discussing. How could you celebrate finishing this first draft? How could you celebrate editing your novel? Finishing the work brings rewards on its own, to be sure, but for me having something (besides laundry!) waiting for me at the end of a finished project feels very exciting.
Here are a few quick, inexpensive ideas to get your brain going:
- Movie marathon with a friend
- Trying that new coffeehouse you keep driving by
- Buying a pint of your favorite ice cream. Maybe even eating the whole thing on your own.
- Binge watching the new season of plug-in-show-name-here.
- Buying (and reading!) that new book you’ve been eyeing.
Get specific with your plan to finish
Now that we’re getting ready to turn our attention to actual words on the page, let’s take a few moments to think through the mental prep work we’ve done these last few weeks and get very specific about your plan for finishing.
You don’t need to sign this in blood or anything, but I encourage you to write out your plan and put it somewhere you can see it. You can also put it in the comments below for some accountability!
Here’s an idea for framework:
First sentence: I’m going to work on my novel at this TIME and PLACE.
Second and third sentences: My biggest writing distractions are DISTRACTION. I’m going to handle them by ACTION.
Fourth and fifth sentences: To reward myself for SMALL GOAL, I will SMALL REWARD. When I finish BIG GOAL, I will REWARD.
Here’s mine:
I’m going to work on my novel when my kids are at school or I have childcare for the first half of my allotted time. My biggest writing distractions are my phone and email. I’ll keep my phone on DND and will only check it on my breaks to make sure I didn’t miss a call from school/babysitters. I’ll keep my email closed during writing time. To reward myself for getting to 1,000 words in a writing session, I get to pick out a piece of candy. When I finish my first draft, I’ll pick a coffeehouse I’ve never gone to and work there for the morning.
Now it’s your turn! What’s your plan for finishing?
Read the next post in the series: An Overview From Beginning To End
I really like your idea of prizes! That is something I never think about. The best prize was when I finished the 100 for 100 challenge last summer: breakfast for dinner and a night of Netflix with my sister.
I’m not sure what I’ll use as prizes (I’d love some ideas, if anybody has some), but I’m currently worldbuilding. So little prizes for every section I complete maybe?
Thanks for the idea!
Breakfast for dinner is a lovely celebration idea! I love breakfast food.
I love the ideas of prizes! (I am soo not above bribing myself if that’s what it takes! ?) I’m trying to find some way right now to reward myself cause I (finally) finished my first draft that I’ve been working on since mid-summer. So this series has come at a perfect time, and the idea of some kind of reward did too!! Now, to go sit on this draft and not touch it for as long as possible . . . Thank goodness I have a tentative idea to work on in the meantime!
Congratulations on finishing your first draft! Definitely worthy of celebration!
Yay! Congratulations! That’s a huge milestone in writing. Keep up the great work! 🙂
I always intend to do more things than I actually do. I think rewards are fun, though!
Just the other day I saw a thing on tv about a man who wrote a book “tiny habits” it’s about doing small things to improve. He used the example of flossing one tooth (probably not the best example) but set that go and then do a celebration like saying “awesome” or a little dance and over time it builds more positive pathways is the brain.
I haven’t read that one, but I read Atomic Habits which is similar. Really thought-provoking material!
“If you want it done, make it fun.” Love that! I’m definitely going to use that in multiple areas of my life besides writing.
I remember when I finished my first ever chapter I did a little happy dance and mic dropped my pencil. That was a fun celebration. I’ll probably do a more exaggerated version of that when I finish the whole draft, perhaps even with pre-selected high energy music.
I am going to work on my novel in my room between the hours of 11 PM and 12-12:30 AM. (I know that sounds kind of late, but I write best at night when I’m alone, and for me, 12:30 is early.) My biggest distractions are books and social media. I will deal with these distractions by making it a habit to keep my current read out of reach as I write, and I will only have my phone nearby if I’m listening to music, which usually causes me to miss notifications anyway. To reward myself for completing individual chapters of my book, I will spend the next night’s writing session however I see fit (reading, socializing, working on another project, etc) and resume the next chapter the night after that.
I do not yet know how I want to reward myself for finishing my entire draft. I’ll probably see if my friends are free to go anywhere fun.
Yes, that thought of Jon Acuff’s has wiggled its way into several areas of my life. It seems so basic on the surface (“We like to do fun things more than not-fun things”) but that’s just not our natural approach to tackling big goals, you know?
I LOVE the mental image of you mic dropping your pencil! That’s fantastic. Like a writer’s end zone dance.
And I love your plan for finishing! Seems very well thought out and tailored to your preferences and needs.
I am SO BAD AT THIS! I’m going to use your tip and think through this some. Maybe it’s the crunchy carrot I need.
I’ve found that even if getting words down was difficult that day, I end on a happy note because I’m eating my piece of candy. Then I feel, overall, more positive about how the writing day went, and it makes me feel a little sunnier about doing it again the next day. It’s really funny how something simple can help shift perspective and make the discipline feel nicer.
This post reminded me of a line from Tom Sawyer, “Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.”
Also, I will write my plan for writing down, following your guidelines. I haven’t figured it out yet. 😉
I swear Mark Twain has more pithy quotes like that! Thanks for sharing!
Once I get over this cold, I will write at the desk in my room between classes and after homework. My biggest distractions are my puppy and my family. I will keep my door closed to avoid visitors, that way I can focus on my writing. When I write 100 words in a day, I get to set aside a dollar to buy a book. Once I finish my novel, I can take that money and buy a book.
I love that book buying is part of your reward system! (And puppies are sooooo distracting!)
Absolutely! I did start writing today, and I’m already setting aside 8 dollars!
Ooh, I like that idea! Buying a book is good motivation for sure.