Many, many thanks to our final round judge, Olivia Smit! Olivia was once a participant in our contests but now that her debut novel, Seeing Voices, is out in the world, she’s kind enough to judge for us. Thanks, Olivia!
If you entered the contest and have not received your feedback from me, please let me know!
Here are the finalists from our unfamiliar vehicle contest:
First place, Amanda Ungleich
Seeing an unfamiliar vehicle pull into the driveway next door filled me with dread.
I glanced at my watch. Almost eleven. My lungs let loose a sigh I didn’t approve of. Six hours until Dad got home. Then I’d be scrubbing blood out of our neighbor’s carpet.
Yet again.
Oh well. Poke a hornet’s nest, and they poke back. I took the porch steps two at a time, ducking my head after catching the stare from the man who’d stepped out of the black sedan. Black. Why couldn’t the government get a little more creative and send cars of a different color?
Maybe after tonight, they’d learn their lesson in more ways than one.
Olivia says: Excellent job subverting reader expectations in this paragraph — the fact that your protagonist views “scrubbing blood out of the carpet” as a normal occurrence says a lot about them! You’ve hooked me in just a paragraph. Well done.
Second place, Saleena Rini
“Seeing an unfamiliar vehicle pull into the driveway next door filled me with dread,” the girl droned. Hanson pursed his lips thoughtfully.
“Why would that fill you with dread?” The interrogation room was cold, but that’s not what was giving him chills.
She shrugged. “I don’t know, but I trust my instincts.” Her eyes were calculated, unfeeling. She sat with one leg crossed over the other, comfortable. The fact that her wrists were secured to the table in front of her did nothing to make her even the slightest bit uneasy.
“Sure, but just because you get a bad feeling doesn’t mean you have the right to kill someone that you don’t even know.”
Olivia says: I really like that you’ve played with dialogue as the start to this scene — very creative! You’ve used vivid descriptions to paint a clear picture of both the scene and the characters here — and such a great hook in that final sentence. I was curious before, and now I’m dying to read more!
Third place, Megan Gerig
Seeing an unfamiliar vehicle pull into the driveway next door filled me with dread. A tall, gray-haired man in a suit and tie climbed out of the driver’s seat, pulling a briefcase behind him. He glanced in my direction, and I let the curtain fall across the window.
I clenched and unclenched my fists and paced in front of the window. They’d promised me it would be someone at the bottom rung. But gray haired men in suits meant experience, higher up.
Snatching the business brochure off the side table, I flipped it open. My lungs squeezed. I’d sent my son to con the CEO.
Olivia says: You do a good job of creating many questions in just a few sentences! I so badly want to know who “they” are … why the protagonist has sent his or her son to con the CEO … and why he or she recognizes people by the colour of their suits. There’s so much to work with and build on!
Honorable Mention, Bethany Baldwin
Seeing an unfamiliar vehicle pull into the driveway next door filled me with dread. It was ordinary, nothing suspicious about it. The three children weren’t suspicious either. All small. Happy. They jumped from the olive-green minivan as soon as it stopped. I shouldn’t have cared. Shouldn’t have watched the smallest girl rush onto the broken-down porch, her tulle ballet skirt shifting around her. But I always looked. No matter how many people came over the months…the years. I knew they wouldn’t leave. They could scream. They could cry. It wouldn’t matter. Because I’m the only one who ever got away.
Olivia says: This paragraph gives me chills! Right from the second sentence, the way you’ve contrasted completely normal events with the protagonist’s feeling of dread made me curious. Loved the details (tulle ballet skirt). Great hook at the end of the paragraph. Feels like a strong start to a thriller/suspense novel!
Congratulations to the top four, the top 15(ish), and everyone who was brave enough to enter!
This was such a fun contest! I’ve had to take a break from writing full novels while I’ve had my babies and this gave my writing muscles a great little workout. Thanks so much for putting this on!
I’m so glad to hear that, Amanda!
Congratulations to everyone! I really enjoyed this!
Good job, everyone!
Also, Jill, I have not received my feedback yet. If you sent it last night, it might be that my computer processes everything slow and sends me the GoTeenWriters emails in the afternoon and not the morning. I’m not sure what happened. Just thought I’d let you know! Have a great day!
I just got my feedback!
Glad it arrived!
Amazing job you guys! They pull you in with their compelling and mysterious tones. All of those entries could easily become a prompt for an amazing novel. Keep at it and you could have a bestseller on your hand! I can’t say it enough but, great job!
Meep! Congratulations to all of the winners!!! These are fantastic! ???
Congratulations to all!
Congrats guys!! Those are amazing!!! Keep writing!!
Thank you for the fun contest! I’ve missed these. It was a nice break from screenplays! Takes me back to my teens and this wonderful community. Makes me want to explore this character even more. Love everything you ladies do!
We’re so glad you’ve stuck around with us all these years!
Congrats everyone! All these entries are amazing. I’d definitely like to know what happens next. Nice work.
Congratulations everyone, and thank you! This was such a fun contest, and though I was terrified to enter, I truly enjoyed it.
Thank you for such a fun contest and congrats to everyone.
I haven’t received my feedback yet. is this a good place to ask for it or should I email someone?
Can you email me, Sarah? Stephanie(at)GoTeenWriters.com
I’m sorry about all of my grammar errors. Is there a way to edit a comment?
Nevermind, I was wrong. I’m really sorry about losing the email.
I didn’t even notice grammar errors, and no problem! My inbox is a jungle these days…
Congratulations everyone!
Congratulations everyone! Say, are you going to do the 100-for-100 challenge again this year?
I’m trying to figure out how that works with our schedule. Stay tuned!
Ok great! I’m really looking forward to it!
Great job everyone!! Your entries were amazing 🙂
Good job, all of y’all. They’re all really good! ??
Congratulations, everyone! These entries were so creative.
This contest was a lot of fun! However…. I haven’t gotten any feedback, and I think I might have spelled my email incorrectly. If there’s a way to correct that, that’d be great. Thanks!