Gillian Bronte Adams is the horse-riding, wander-loving epic fantasy author of THE SONGKEEPER CHRONICLES and a YA trilogy coming 2021, rarely found without coffee in hand and rumored to pack books before clothes when she hits the road. Years of working in youth ministry left her with a passion for journeying alongside those who’ve tasted the sting of life’s brokenness. Now, she writes stories that ring with the echoes of eternity and follow outcast characters down broken roads, through epic battles, and courageously onward. At the end of a day of typing, she can be found saddling her wild thing and riding off into the sunset alongside her pup, Took, seeking adventures of her own. Find out more at gillianbronteadams.com.
Horses are fantastic creatures, aren’t they? Whether seen from a distance or so close you can feel the warm puff of their breath on your outstretched palm, there’s something about them that captures the imagination. Horses have played such an important role in history—in battle, transportation, farming, sports, companionship—that it’s no wonder they often take center stage in our stories too. Shadowfax. Cor. The black stallion.
The stuff of legend, right? Well … only if the author gets the details right.
Most of us could probably name at least one reading pet peeve. It’s that thing that makes you cringe, wince, or slam the book shut. Maybe even “DNF” the book or (like me) set it back on your to-read pile … indefinitely. For me, that pet peeve has to do with horses. Or rather, with authors writing about riding without doing the research to make it feel authentic.
On the flip side, when the tiny details ring true, I will proudly display that book on my shelf, reread it a dozen times, and awkwardly shove it at friends during conversational lulls.
(Me: Read this! Friend: Okay … oh, you mean now?)
So, how do you keep your horse stories in the second category? Well, for your research today, here’s a list of some of the common horse mistakes writers tend to make and tips to avoid them.
Common Horse Mistakes Writers Make and How to Avoid Them
More Machine than Animal
Contrary to what you might see in the movies, horses cannot run all day without stopping, and they need breaks to eat and drink and, yes, sleep. That might seem obvious, but when horses are the main mode of transportation in your story, it can be tempting to treat them like cars. Fuel up and you’re good to go, day after day after day. But while a quick internet search can provide estimates for how far the average horse can travel in a day, some additional factors to bear in mind are the terrain, available forage, weather, health and fitness of the horse, even the load they’re carrying. Rough terrain doesn’t exhaust your car, but your horse will need more rest after a day of picking his way over a mountain than a day of journeying across wide open prairie.
So, show your riders caring for the physical needs of their steeds by brushing them and picking out their hooves at the start or end of the day. Be aware of how the environment and weather will affect horses, both physically and temperamentally. For example, rain makes my horse grumpy while crisp, cool fall weather puts an extra spring in his step. Rough, dry, rocky ground can cause hooves to splinter and crack more easily. Soggy, swampy mud can lead to the development of infections and funguses. Wet weather might cause your tack to chafe and rub in areas it normally wouldn’t, leading to raw, oozing saddle sores on the horse’s withers, spine, or girth. Painful, right?
Then have your characters finish off the evening by feeding their horses a favorite treat (watermelon for my horse) in addition to their meal. Horses do love their food.
Run Away!
Ever seen this scene before? Something (often a snake or a slap on the hindquarters) spooks a horse who rears up and then takes off at a dead run. I think writers like this scenario because it’s an easy way to a) have a rider fall off, or b) have someone else help the rider control their runaway steed. So … it works, right?
Sometimes. Horses are prey animals and do have a strong flight or fight response, but not all horses are frightened by the same things or spook in the same way. Horses are unique, individual creatures, each with their own personalities and fears. My horse can handle snakes but is terrified of butterfly nets. Who knew, right? I didn’t, until I happened to lead a trail ride past a group of campers on a nature walk. He responded by blowing (a deep breath huffed out through the nostrils), backing away, freezing, and quivering until I asked the campers to lower their nets while I dismounted to lead him by hand so his fear wouldn’t spook the rest of the horses in line behind. So, all that to say, yes, horses do spook, but they often spook in different ways than we see in the movies.
Depending on the horse, there’s often far less rearing up and taking off at a gallop, and more backing away (from a threat in front) or lunging away (from a threat behind), blowing, stamping, and once at a “safe distance” standing stock still facing the threat with their ears pricked forward and muscles trembling. How a horse responds depends on his “personality” (high strung or calm and laid back, etc), his level of training (first time under saddle?), the trigger, and his surroundings.
Is he alone or with other horses? Is he somewhere familiar? He might not react so strongly. Somewhere new? More likely. That’s not to say a horse will never rear up and take off running—it does happen—but if he does, it’s often going to be back toward the barn or the herd or wherever he feels safe.
Just a Big Fluffy Dog
The example that immediately comes to mind is Maximus from Tangled. Of course, I love Maximus, but he’s really a dog in horse clothing. It’s clear the filmmakers did it on purpose—think about how Maximus tracks Flynn down by sniffing out his trail and then plays tug of war with Flynn’s boot—which is why it works in my opinion. Break the “rules” but make it clear you know you’re breaking them.
But while horses can be playful, curious, and food oriented, as prey animals and not predators, they have very different instincts than dogs. Dogs are far more likely to jump into protect mode. Horses—particularly in the herd setting—might chase off a predator but are far less likely to get between a rider and danger, especially if they don’t recognize it as a threat. Why does that matter? Well, all you fantasy writers out there penning battle scenes, it’s important to know that your war horse probably won’t come to the defense of their downed rider, unless they’ve been specifically trained to do so in answer to a cue—in which case, they’re not protecting, just responding. Now if your horse is smart enough to read wanted posters (ahem, Maximus), feel free to do what you want!
Shaking the reins
Shaking the reins is not how you make a horse go—at least not in English and Western riding. This was a common misconception among new riders in my horsemanship classes and also crops up frequently in books. If your character is riding in the typical bit and bridle combo, the reins are connected to a small metal bar in the horse’s mouth which transmits pressure to different areas when the rider applies pressure to the reins.
Why does that matter? Well, shaking the reins will not only annoy your horses but could also confuse them. So, show some love to your fictional steeds by writing characters who have “soft hands” on the reins, who don’t shake, yank, or tug them. Gentle pressure should steer a horse from side to side, and skilled riders use their whole bodies to communicate with their steeds through weight placement, gentle hands, leg pressure, and even the direction they’re looking. So, when your character is ready to go, gathering up the reins, sitting up straight, squeezing with their legs, and giving a verbal cue like “clicking” should do the trick.
High-spirited horses don’t need much encouragement to go. Slow, steady, calm (even lazy) horses, might need a little more squeezing and clicking. And remember, even though you just got a mini riding lesson here, your readers care more about the story, so you don’t have to describe the minutiae of every technique, but you can show off your newly acquired expertise in the details you do include. And by not having your riders shake the reins.
Sure, that sounds right …?
If you ever catch yourself saying those words, stop and double-check your terminology and your facts. Using horse lingo is great, so long as you use it correctly (and don’t flood your readers with words they won’t understand). You will probably want to know the difference between mares, stallions, geldings, fillies, colts, and foals, or how to describe the different gaits of a horse. And did you know the parts of a horse have unique names too, like pastern and cannon and fetlock? (Which are probably examples of technical words you should use sparingly.)
Even when you think you already know it, it’s often a good idea to make sure. I remember being mortified as the Equestrian Director at a youth camp when my editor caught my usage of the word “fur” to describe a horse’s coat. Horses have hair not fur, which you’d think I’d know. I also recently stifled a laugh while reading a novel in which the main character emptied out buckets of vomit for his mildly seasick donkey. Donkeys, like horses, are physically nearly incapable of vomiting, which means that the rare case tends to be extremely serious and often fatal.
The good news? There is so much information about horses accessible online, so pausing to run a quick search could save you future embarrassment and make your story feel that much more authentic!
So, to sum up …
Horses are incredible creatures, and with a little research, they can be wonderful assets to our stories! At the end of the day, it’s the little details that make all the difference. The habitual way a trained rider checks the cinch before mounting or scratches at the “sweet spot” on their horse’s neck. The way a horse’s ears swivel toward what he’s focused on, communicate his mood, and twitch in irritation. That’s how I can get away with writing my newest series that has magical horses that breathe fire, melt into shadow, and quake the earth with a stamp of their hooves and it still feels authentic because the tiny, familiar details ground it in reality. But that’s a worldbuilding post for another day …
For now, what are your reading pet peeves? (No names of authors, please!) And if you’re writing about horses, what research have you done to make your horses seem real?
When I’m reading a book, I really hate it when an author uses too many dashed. It’s like reading this: I’m just too tired after my wedding-day-fiasco. The much-too-stale coffee isn’t helping much. It’s really annoying and feels unoriginal, like the author is being lazy instead of using an interesting sentence structure and unique adjective.
This post was really interesting. It’s cool to have someone set the record straight about horse cliches. I didn’t know a lot of the things you said, like about reins. Thanks for teaching me something today!
Thanks for the great post, Gillian! I’ll have to come back to this in a bit once I get back to writing books in which characters are riding and dealing with horses more. (And I have one book in particular where the character’s supposed to be very good with them . . . )
An additional resource for anyone reading who wants to know more on the topic is the Tor.com SFF Equines series: https://www.tor.com/tag/sff-equines/
The author seems to be just as knowledgeable as Gillian is, and I’ve learned a lot from the series.
Ooh, yes, that’s a great additional resource, Sarah. Thanks for sharing the link! I haven’t read any of that author’s books, but I have read several of her articles and they were really good!
Oh, wow! This was so helpful! I don’t use horses in my WIP, but it does make me realize how much I go “Eh, sounds right.” *shakes head in disappointment* My biggest reading pet peeve is a scene like this:
CH1 picked up an apple and winced. Her head was still throbbing from the hits, and the bright red of the fruit certainly wasn’t helping. She let her hand drop to her side and slouched into the chair.
“You shouldn’t sit in the dark,” CH2’s amused voice said from the door. “It’s creepy.”
In case you didn’t see it, and I honestly don’t blame you because this was a horrible example, CH1 is sitting in a dark room, and the bright color of the apple is worsening her headache. Only, if she was actually sitting in a dark room, the colors of the apple, and anything else around, would have darkened as well. I don’t see this too often, thank goodness, but it bothers me on SO. MANY. DIFFERENT. LEVELS. Or when, in the romance genre specifically, we have CH1, the lonely, misunderstood female lead who just wants to find love, and we have CH2, the dashing heartbreaker who falls unrealistically hard for CH1 after seeing her across the room for about three seconds.
?
*sigh*
Thanks for the post! It was really interesting to read.
Oh yes! Not actually having darkness impact your character’s vision is a really easy trap to fall into, but it definitely breaks the reader out of the scene. My editor also caught me on that one once or twice … This is why editors are awesome!
Hi, I left a question in the strong vs. weak plots post, and I was hoping someone would be kind enough to help me out. But no one is posting on that blog now, so I came to this one, although I have no interest in writing a horse story (I’m more of a fantasy/action kind of girl!). I’m just new to GTW, so I’m not really sure what I’m doing. 🙂
Yay, welcome! So glad you found us!
It just takes us a little time to reply sometimes, but we do reply to nearly all comments.
This will be really helpful if I ever need horses in my story! I have a list of several writing pet peeves, but my biggest one is what I call journalistic writing. It’s when the author will write something like “the fourteen-year-old boy” after naming the character, just to give information. It’s the way news reporters write (you know how they always come with a hundred different ways to name someone?), but I hate it in fiction! (The only exception for that I have are the epithets in epic poems.) I also get annoyed when eye color is mentioned as a very noticeable and important thing. I NEVER notice anyone’s eye color unless it’s really pale so I find it rather unrealistic when characters go on about eye color.
Good examples! I don’t tend to notice eye color immediately either. I think it’s one of those easy distinctives that authors tend to fall back on when describing characters, but this is a great reminder to be creative and use even your character descriptions to help us grasp who the character is as a person, not just what they look like!
Lol, that’s so ironic. My little sister was telling me yesterday that she just noticed the day before that her best friend has green eyes.
But at the same time, eye color can be important. Like maybe they have mismatched eyes, or, it’s something that plays an important role in the setting, like all people of a culture naturally have blood red eyes, (or in the case of my story, where the crown royal has to marry someone with green eyes to keep the line of green-eyed royals going.)
This is wonderful! I love horses and like to use them in my WIP’s. I do think I’ve been guilty of the “Shake the reins” one. XD
Oh good! I’m glad it was helpful. Horses are so much fun to write about!
This is so helpful! I’ll definitely be coming back to this next time I’m writing about horses in my novel. Thank you so much! By the way, I am SO excited about your new series coming out! It sounds amazing!!
Oh yay! I’m so happy to hear that. I can’t wait for y’all to get to read the first book this year!
What a lovely post! In one of my story ideas, a horse plays a very large role, so I’ll be sure to come back to this when I start it.
One of my biggest pet peeves in fiction (particularly YA) is when the female MC does something awesome, usually fighting, and everyone stands staring for a moment before she turns, shrugs, and says something like “I had three older brothers,” at which point everyone nods and goes about their daily business. I can fight, and do, and I have no older brothers. The same goes for my best friend. Besides this, my younger brothers would never once think of beating up on their younger sisters, which is presumably how the female MC learned how to fight. It’s like including a male MC doing something traditionally female-coded (though I wouldn’t even say at this point that fighting is male-coded), and everyone being surprised until he says, “I had three older sisters.”
This trope is taken to ridiculous lengths. I just saw an episode of a TV show in which a girl did fantastically in sparring. Her coworker explained it as “she had older brothers”– not that she was an ex-Secret Service agent who was expressly trained in hand-to-hand combat.
There’s the end of my rant… sorry, haha.
Oh, you’re so right! It’s so annoying when everyone’s just “Oh, yes, absolutely, makes total sense, understandable, have a great day.” Although, in my case it would actually make sense because one of my older brothers enjoys wrecking havoc, usually in the form of a lacrosse stick, on my life.
Yesss! Like the only way a girl would know how to do something awesome, usually fight, would be to have older male figures teach it to her? I’m sorry, no XD Every time something like that happens on TV, my brother looks over at me and says, “I just cleaned my room really well,” and I gasp. Then he adds, “I have an older sister, though,” and I nod like it all makes sense now.
Haha, there is always lacrosse sticks. They’re the exception 😉
That’s a great response. XD
This is a great post that I didn’t know I needed! I have a story idea that revolves around horses… well, technically it revolves around kelpies, but the MC has lots of experience with real horses. I won’t be writing that book for a while, but when I finally do get to it, these tips will come in handy. Thanks!
Also, your series with the fire breathing horses already has me intrigued. I’m definitely going to have to read it first chance I get!
Ooh kelpies are so much fun! Good luck with your project. I have quite a few of those “can’t write just yet” project documents that I keep saving links to for research purposes.
And yes, that series will be launching later this year, which is super exciting, so there will be reveals happening in the next few months! Can’t wait for it to be out there! 🙂
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a character gets away with making a mistake or doing something awful. For example, in one book I read a few years ago, a villain hurt and even killed a bunch of people, and at the end, it turned out that the villain had a sad childhood and everyone felt bad for her. That doesn’t necessarily justify killing! In the same book, one of the main characters helped the other one cheat on a test because it was “the right thing to do” and so that the kid would get better grades and feel better about himself. Seriously? Cheating was the right thing to do? It disappointed me.
I’m so glad you pointed out that horses are animals; not machines, and that realistic ones wouldn’t jump in to save the day unless trained to do so. I found that interesting, and I’ll definitely keep that in mind if I write a book with horses involved.
I really like books with horses (my reading level, of course) so I’m excited to try your new books. You don’t find a lot of young adult books with horses–or at least, I haven’t. Do you know when the exact release date is, or will it just be some time in 2021?
P.S.: I’m also very glad that you brought up how dog-like Maximus is. I noticed that too, and I think it was very clever. Sneaky, but clever.
Thanks for the post!
So, the exact release date hasn’t been announced yet, but it’s going to be toward the end of the year. So perfect for Christmas gifts … 😀
Isn’t Maximus adorable? Definitely a favorite of mine, even if he’s more dog than horse. (I mean … who doesn’t like dogs?)
Thanks so much for the article, Gillian!
I write fantasy, and I have several horses that have names and show up regularly in the story. It was a good reminder to keep my horses realistic.?
If you ever do a follow-up on this article, maybe you could do one on horse noises. One of my pet peeves is when the only noise a fictional horse makes is a whinny. It’s so refreshing when a writer actually knows the difference, and takes time to throw in a nicker, or a slobbery snort.?
I’m not a horse person, though the fictional horses I’ve read about are so fun. (Black Beauty, and Mesrour!)
One of my reading pet peeves is when someone unrealistically describes fainting. Like, the character doesn’t even know they’re fainting, they just drop to the floor. That cracks me up, because I usually know right away when I might faint, before I faint: my ears start ringing, everything starts turning black (like a bunch of sihouette-like figures?) and then I feel like I’m falling into a pit.
And what drives me even more crazy, is when they wake up like it’s from a nap, and resume their business with barely any trouble. I just think, “Wrong. Oh so wrong.”
Also, when people pinch themselves because they think they’re dreaming. I actually had a dream once where I kept pinching myself, trying to wake up…. Didn’t work at all.
I’m very guilty of making my characters faint or get knocked out unrealistically. I either have them suddenly drop to the floor like you described, or I make it take way too long *sighs sadly*.
I’m not a rider, but am an equestrian. I love horses and all animals, for that matter. I love writing my own stories, but being a kid, I cannot get them published. I have several which I have not finished, but I am working daily on them.