I’m cringing as I type this, because I know with every word, I’m getting closer to showing you examples (the how-not-to-do-it variety) of head hopping. And they’re bad. Oh, so bad.
We talked last Friday about writing scenes in “deep 3rd POV.” If you missed it, you can find it by clicking here. In that post, I said that you shouldn’t be on the character’s shoulder, but inside their head. This means we, the reader, are viewing the world through their eyes. It means everything is shaded with the point-of-view character’s background, world view, education, and prejudices.
It also means we don’t get to know what other people think. When you hear people talk about “head hopping,” that’s what they’re referring to – telling the reader what other people are thinking and feeling instead of limiting our experience to the point of view character.
Sometimes head hopping is extremely obvious. Like the passages I’ve marked in red below. These are all pulled from the dandelion story, which I wrote as a junior in high school, and this scene is supposed to be from Paige’s POV:
Paige was scanning the room for him. Her eyes searched for the familiar floppy brown hair but were not successful. Her search did not go unnoticed by the class. They knew that she was looking for Carter and they also knew that she would not find him in that class.
Here’s another scene:
“It’s great to see you too,” she told him.
“Where did you move to?” Kyle asked, pretending he didn’t know. The truth was he had no idea what to say to her. He had no idea what to say to this girl, this stranger.
Paige scanned the room for familiar floppy brown hair. Did anyone notice the way her gaze kept sweeping the room? If so, they likely knew who she was searching for.
“It’s great to see you too,” she told him.“Where did you move to?” Kyle asked.Paige bit her lip. Surely, Kyle knew where she had moved, right? So why had he asked? Was she more forgettable than she had assumed, or did he just not know how to talk to her anymore?
Carter kept a hold of her hand, but held it carefully, as if he thought she might break.
Kyle touched her sleeveless arm as she walked by him. It was as if he didn’t believe she was there and had to make sure his best friend wasn’t an illusion.