By the time Dirk arrived, he knew he was too late.
The keening wail of mourners assailed his ears. His horse danced a nervous jig, hooves clattering on cobblestone.
He should turn back.
Tugging his hood down, he pressed on, fingers straying to the rapier at his side. The spiked palace gate loomed ahead, soldiers on either side, crossed halberds barring the way.
Dirk flicked his hood aside. “Let me pass.” The soldiers shifted nervously, but did not move.
“Brother.” A man stepped from the shadows. “We’ve been expecting you.”
Dirk’s rapier leapt in his hand. “Roderick.”
“Father’s dead. But you’ll see him. Soon.” Roderick motioned the soldiers forward. “Arrest him.”
The judge says: Well done! Nice peppering of sensory information with the setting’s description. There’s just enough intrigue to keep my attention, but not confuse me. It’s easy to read and fun to imagine what would happen next. Excellent!
By Jenna Blake Morris (1st)
By the time I arrived, I knew it was too late.
Of course, when you’re being frog-marched around by brainwashed goonies, you don’t call the shots.
But Cord was already dead on the table. My head started spinning.
“Reese!” Faust said warmly, like we were old friends and he wasn’t going to kill me. Then he launched into this spiel about his master plan. When he pulled out his evil-genius homemade charts, I quit paying attention, finally let myself look at Cord. And regretted it. If he weren’t so still, he’d seem…alive.
“Reese?” Faust said.
I hesitated.
Then Cord opened an eye, winked at me. Alive.
The plan was back on.
The judge says: The style is so energetic and full of life. Even though this wouldn’t be my normal genre, I’m completely engaged. Love it.
By Jyllenna Wilke (2nd)
By the time I arrived, I knew it was too late to calm my mother. Only the arms of two men kept her from attacking everyone in the hospital room. I slowly approached her, all the while watching her writhe and twist her ghostly body.
“The dementia will only continue to worsen until…” The nurse swallowed hard and looked away.
“They’re coming back to finish killing me!” My mom’s eyes bulged out and she gave another violent effort to get free.
“Mama, no one is going to hurt—ˮ I felt the vomit start to climb into my throat as I stared at the bloody gash stretched across her neck.
The judge says: Original take on the prompt. Caught my interest. I really feel like I’m in the scene.
By Jordan Newhouse (3rd)
By the time he arrived, he knew he was too late. No doctors, no nurses, just his baby girl lying in a hospital bed. She was only 15 years old – too young for this.
“Daddy?”
He went over and took her hand.
“I’m sorry.” Her desperate grip said more than her tremulous words. “I miss my baby.”
He tried to think of comforting words, but his mouth was parched and his head throbbing. Watching her belly grow for months hurt bad, but he hadn’t imagined the hurt he was feeling now.
“I didn’t see her, but I heard her crying.”
“You did the right thing.”
“No, I want my baby back.”
The judge says: What a unique way to use this prompt. It pulls on the emotions with a depth that makes the reader want to read on. Nice!