(Is that what it’s called when you label the parts of your sentences?) I’ve always found grammar lessons somewhat boring, so instead of labeling all our nouns and conjunctions, we’ll keep our focus on the sentence as a whole. (By the way, this is our second post about “pacing” in our novels. Friday we talked about description.)
When I’m editing, I find it best to read my story out loud. If you can (without freaking out your family or waking up the sister you share a room with) I suggest you do the same. Not only are you more likely to catch repetitive words (oh, I’ve used “squelched” three times in 25 pages…), you’ll pick up on sentences that are far too common in structure, like:
Exercising was something Ben had always liked. Ultimate Frisbee was what he had planned in college. Now running was a new obsession for him.
Another really common pattern is the character name/action pattern.
Ben ran along the trail, his gait confident. He paused along the bend by the creek. Ben checked his heart rate as he drank deeply from his water bottle.
Those are fine sentences by themselves, but strung together like that they don’t work. Especially if you’re going for a tight or “deep” POV where we feel like we’re in the character’s head. The way this is written now, it keeps the reader at a distance. Everything is on the surface. So one of the best ways to ensure varying sentence styles is to be sure you have a good balance of action and thought life:
Ben ran along the trail, his gait confident. Not long ago, it seemed to take forever to get to the bend in the trail, but now he was barely out of breath as he checked his heart rate.
When my sentence structure lapses into being boring, it’s often because I’m telling the story instead of showing it.
It’s also possible that your sentences are repetitive in structure, but that they’re bogged down by unnecessary words. Adjectives and adverbs can make your prose sluggish. We’re so desperate to show our reader what we’re seeing that it’s easy to throw in too many descriptors.
Ben ran briskly along the peaceful, wooded trail, his long gait confident.
I’m making you dig through a lot of description to find out what’s going on. Readers don’t like to dig through your sentences. Adjectives and adverbs aren’t evil – they’re just overused. So before you start cutting them, ask if they’re necessary or if you can find a stronger noun or verb.
Can you change your “fancy party” into a “soiree”? Or, if you’ve written, “The wind blew hard across our backyard, knocking over our grill,” you can instead make it, “The wind whipped across our backyard.”
Or in the case of Ben on the trail, you don’t need “briskly” because we’ve already said he’s running. But if you really want to describe what kind of a trail he’s on, give it its own sentence:
Ben ran along the trail, his gait confident. This had become his sanctuary from bustling life in the city. Here, where the sunlight filtered through the tall trees and birds called to one another, the stresses of family and work felt far away.
Another thing to check in your manuscript are sentences that begin with an “ing” word. Like:
Starting with an ing word can be a bad idea.
The above sentence works, but a lot of times whatever you associate with your ing word doesn’t quite fit. Like:
Grabbing his water bottle off the kitchen table, Ben took off down the trail.
Wait … does the trail start in his kitchen? You may think this is a silly and an obvious no-no, which is what I thought the first time I heard a writing teacher advise against starting with an ing word, but then as I perused my manuscripts, I realized I had done it quite often.
I know this isn’t as fun of a conversation as worldbuilding or character quirks, but sentences are the nuts and bolts holding together all those creative ideas of yours.
Anybody have questions or additional tips to share?