Many, many thanks to judges Laura L. Smith and Tiffany Rott for taking the time to select this round’s winners. They were quite unanimous!
His eyes stare up at me. Pale blue like the arctic sky, but lifeless as the ice beneath my feet. Dead. A prickle creeps up my arms and the sword falls from my numb fingers, cleaving a bloodstained gash in the snow.
Grey frosts my vision. A crimson river mars the pure white surface of the earth. My blood. This is not what I expected. A victor cheated of victory. Revenge stolen by the one who had already stolen everything. My family, throne, honor – all gone.
The earth seems to tilt and I fall. Cold seeps into my heart.
He has stolen everything. Including my life.
The judges say: Your incredible descriptions give me goosebumps, literally and figuratively . I’m intrigued to see where you take the story from here. Beginning a novel with someone’s, presumably the protagonist’s death, is a great (and not what I expected ) lead.
My heart sank as the last arrow from my quiver sunk, just shy of the bulls-eye, into the target with a heartless thud. I knew I ought to keep practicing, but the pile of failed shots clumped below the target discouraged me.
“Well, well, well,” said my best friend Michael, “This is not what I expected from The Amelie’s daughter.” He ran a finger dramatically through his short chestnut curls, accentuating my mother’s name and reminding me it was her legacy, not my own, I served to prove.
“Lay off Micky! You know the sword is my thing.”
“Of course. Pointy and very, very sharp.”
The judges say: The banter between the characters shows their personalities and makes me want to read more about them.
Skin so soft it is like satin. Angelic face and clear blue eyes just like mine. Cradling my daughter to my chest, I feel the deepest love that my teenage heart has ever felt. This is not what I expected.
The nurse comes in the room. “It’s time to let me take her now.”
Protectiveness rises in me and I turn as if I can see through the hospital’s pale blue walls, to where I know the adoptive parents must be waiting in anticipation.
Little Rose starts to cry, and my hear t writhes in pain.
I hold my baby tighter. “I can’t give her up.”
The judge says: The emotions in this scene feel very real and natural and push the story forward.