by Stephanie Morrill
Last week on the Go Teen Writers Facebook group, some of the writers were discussing the anxiety they feel about sharing their stories with their parents. Even if your book wouldn’t be shelved next to Fifty Shades of Grey, there’s still plenty of room for feeling awkward. Like if your book has a serial killer in it, you might feel uncomfortable about those parts written from his or her point of view. Or the character who cuts herself. Or that bit of bad language in chapter three.
I’ve been where you are – I’ve been a teen writer handing her story over to her parents with trembling hands. It was a book that involved teen pregnancy, drunken parties, and clueless parents. It’s uncomfortable, and there’s no way around it. I can’t provide you with a clear action plan for navigating this situation, but I can offer some thoughts that may help:
Wait until you’re ready.
Because I’ve reaped the benefits of not showing anyone my manuscript until it’s been edited, I’m a big believer in telling others, “No, you can’t read it yet.” This might hurt a person’s feelings, which is unfortunate, but they need to understand that your book is a piece of art, and that you get the final say in when it gets to be revealed. Some writers don’t mind sending out chapters after they’ve written them, and others, like me, keep that door firmly closed until after the story has been edited and proofed.
If you feel like you need the big guns to back you up on this one, you can tell them Stephen King says in his book On Writing that it’s a bad idea to show anyone your writing during the first draft, and that you’re trying out his advice. Tell them how much you appreciate their interest, and that you’ll be excited for their feedback when the book is done.
Nobody understands fiction writers except other fiction writers.
Go ahead and prepare yourself for the fact that you are and will continue to be a mystery to others. You have a lifetime ahead of you of questions like:
Why do you write books for teens when you’re an adult?
How can you write about murder all the time? You seem so normal.
How can you write romances when you’ve been married to the same man for 20 years?
The real answer to these questions for most writers is, “I don’t know.”
I have no idea why I love the young adult genre so much or why at age twenty-nine I’ve yet to come up with any motivation to write for adults. It’s just in my wiring.
Non-writers can certainly support and encourage us, but they’ll also find us puzzling. That’s okay.
Communicate your fears and expectations.
If you’ve decided to let your parents read what you’ve been working on, I find it best to tell them what your expectations are. Something like, “I’m still reworking a lot of it, so I don’t need a line by line edit, but if you have general thoughts about the story, I’d love to hear them.”
And there’s nothing wrong with telling them you’re nervous. They’ll probably figure it out anyway. Last week, my husband read my upcoming release, The Revised Life of Ellie Sweet. I mentioned to him that I struggled with the voice of Palmer, who’s southern. I didn’t want to overdo his accent and drop every g at the end of his words, but I also wanted him to sound southern. Ben and I then started talking about books we love that have a ton of accent in them – Cloud Atlas, The Help, and The Harry Potter series.
I became so scared that I had made the wrong choice about Palmer that I was very short-tempered with my poor husband. I acted like that for about twenty minutes before I realized what was happening. When I apologized, he said, “It’s okay. I know you’re just nervous.”
It’s okay to be nervous. And it’s okay to be honest about it too.
Consider starting small.
I’m not the type of girl who acclimates to a cold pool by running and jumping in. I ease my way into the water. In the same way, if you’re not sure about handing over your whole manuscript to someone, consider a chapter or two. Or offer an alternative, like a creative nonfiction essay you had to write for school. There’s no shame in baby steps!
Support is nice. But ultimately, you get to choose.
Say the worst happens – your parents read your book, they don’t like it, and they’re now concerned you’re mentally disturbed. Or maybe they think writing is a fine hobby for a teen, but not something to be pursued as an adult. What then?
We all like to make our parents happy, and when we’re living under their roof, this feels exceptionally vital to our existence. Eventually, though, you’ll be an adult. You’ll buy your own milk, set your own bedtime, and make your own car payments. You’ll also get to choose what you’re going to do with writing. So as horrible as it can feel to have a parent frowning over what you wrote, don’t forget that ultimately, it’ll be your choice.
Have a suggestion of your own? Leave a comment!
