Jill Williamson is a chocolate loving, daydreaming, creator of kingdoms. She writes weird books for teens in lots of weird genres like, fantasy (Blood of Kings trilogy), science fiction (Replication), and dystopian (The Safe Lands trilogy). Find Jill on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or on her author website.
What’s a generic action tag?
It’s an action tag that comes before or after dialogue that tells the reader little or nothing of interest. For example: He shrugged. She laughed. He smiled. She sighed. She rolled her eyes. He groaned. He grinned. She scowled. He frowned.
It’s not wrong to write these types of things. But using such little sentences too much makes the writing feel blah to the reader. Generic action tags don’t characterize. And they tell, rather than show. My first drafts are packed with these. And I tend to fix them during the rewrite stage.
Action tags are great places to put character’s actions, descriptions, character’s thoughts, and infuse your character’s voice into it all. Pick up some books and see how different authors do it. They’ll likely all be a little different.
Here are a couple places from The New Recruit where you can see a variety of different things I tried to spice up what were once generic action tags. I’ve underlined the changes below. I also put notes in parentheses to explain my intention behind each one.
Arianna forced me onto the bench beside Gabe. “Be right back.” Arianna nudged Gabe. “Make him stay.” (–This one shows Arianna’s forceful personality. Her actions match her words. She’s bossing people around. It’s what she does.)
“Spencer, Arianna says stay.” Gabe flashed his metal smile and looked at my shirt. “Ooh. What happened?” (–Here I remind the reader that Gabe has braces. Gabe looks at Spencer’s shirt and comments on it because that’s a natural reaction to the fact that Spencer is a mess, which reminds the reader what Spencer looks like, as well.)
“Jeb Beary happened.” I flicked spaghetti off my black necktie. “I hate school uniforms.” No sign of Isabel yet. My tray looked like roadkill. I shoveled spaghetti into my mouth anyway, keeping one eye on the entrance for exotic Ee-sa-bell. (–Here we get Spencer’s action to match the spaghetti mess problem. Then he’s thinking about Isabel again.)
“You normally sit with the basketball team?” Gabe asked.
“Yeah,” I said, opening my carton of milk. (–A description of what he’s doing.)
And suddenly the goddess stood before me, giggling with Arianna. They’d come from behind me. Arianna snorted a laugh, her eyes filled with tears. But like a slow-motion scene out of a music video, Isabel tossed her hair and smiled. Her face glowed like bronze, her eyes sparked.
“What’s so funny?” Gabe asked.
Arianna’s expression sobered. “Do you have room for Bill and Bob?” (–Shows Arianna’s expression.)
Isabel linked her arm with Arianna’s and murmured, “Mande? Which one is me again?” (–Show’s Isabel’s movement.)
“You’re Bob Rod, remember? I’m Bill Slo,” Arianna said.
“Ah, si.” Isabel leaned toward Gabe and stuck out her hand adorned with glossy, claw-like fingernails edged in white. Her brown curls tumbled over her shoulder—again with the slo mo. “Me llamo Bob.” (–This shows movement and describes Isabel through Spencer’s eyes.)
Gabe shook her hand, one eyebrow raised. “Nice to meet you, Bob.” (–Describes Gabe and his actions.)
I stared at her flawless cheeks as I stuck out my hand. “Spencer Garmond.” (–Describes Spencer’s actions.)
She turned her eyes on me and it felt like the heat of the bat signal. She shook my hand. “Me llamo Bob.” (–Describes Isabel’s actions and Spencer’s reaction in his voice.)
She let go all too soon, and, like a cloud crossing over the sun, the heat vanished. The girls sat across from me and Gabe. At least now, if Kip saw me, he’d understand why I ditched him. He and I had talked about the goddess before.
Arianna leaned across the table and whispered. “We worked out undercover aliases in case we need them this summer.” (–Describes Arianna’s actions.)
“So you came up with Bill and Bob?” I asked.
The girls burst into hysterics again. I didn’t get it, but watching Isabel laugh was not unpleasant.
Gabe ripped off the end of his straw and blew the wrapper at Isabel. “You don’t need aliases yet, Isabel, don’t worry.” (–Describes the action around Spencer and his thoughts.)
“Yo sé. It’s only for playing.” She wadded his straw wrapper and flicked it back. (–Describes Isabel’s actions.)
I wished I had a straw wrapper to flick. I must have lost mine when Jeb attacked.
THEN LATER . . .
“Why do you people need an alias?” I asked Gabe. I mean, James Bond was one thing. But Biff Gar? Another thing entirely. (–Gives the reader Spencer’s thoughts.)
“You don’t,” Gabe said. “Not until your second summer—before your first red card.” He huffed a laugh. “Bo Sto isn’t going to cut it.” (–This is a generic action tag that I left in. Like I said, they’re not wrong. You just don’t want to use them often.)
At least Gabe could see that much. “What’s a red card?” (–Gives the reader Spencer’s thought on Gabe’s dialogue.)
“An intercessor-assigned mission. That’s probably why Isabel is considering aliases. Who knows why Arianna’s doing it. She’s—”
“You pick an alias, yet?”
Gabe faked a cheesy smile that showed off his braces. “Maybe.” (–Describes Gabe’s actions/what he looks like, reminding the reader of his braces. I don’t want to over do the braces thing. But in the beginning of the book, I’ll try to remind readers a few times of a strong feature like that.)
“I hope it’s better than Bo Sto.”
“It is. But if I told you, I’d have to kill you, and I kinda like having you around.”
(I didn’t need an action tag or said tag with every line of dialogue in this section. It’s only Spencer and Gabe in the scene, so the reader knows who is talking.)
Action tags work best when they react with what’s happening in the scene and reveal the character’s personality.
Do you have any tricks that work for you with writing/re-writing action tags? Do you use too many generic action tags? Let me know in the comments.