How do you deal with failure?

I deal with failure in phases. My first reaction is often quite negative. My feelings are hurt. But once I get over that, I rise up with determination and get back to it. That’s me in a nutshell.

Once I understood how rejections worked, I got it into my head that I’d likely receive dozens of rejections before ever getting an acceptance letter. So I decided that I’d probably be rejected at least fifty times before I ever sold anything. So when those rejections started rolling in, I celebrated them.

It worked quite well.

I think, for me, it’s all about planning. I don’t like surprises, so when I convinced myself to expect rejections, I wasn’t as surprised by them as I might have been had I spent the weeks of waiting daydreaming about acceptance letters and contracts and my book in stores. But when I am surprised by a rejection or what I perceive as failure, that can really shock me.

It’s hard to put your work out there. You created something and to share it is to make yourself vulnerable. That’s part of the job. We all have to do it, whether we chase after traditional publishing or self-publish. We will receive rejections. People will say no to publishing our stories. And readers will give us one-star reviews and crush our hearts. It takes practice to grow thick skin so all of that doesn’t hurt so badly.

Having hurt feelings and being frustrated . . . those were the negative sides of how I dealt with failure. But I am a tenacious person. I don’t give up. So every single rejection made me all the more determined to succeed. When you feel like you’re failing, don’t quit. Stick with it. Try not to take it personally. Also, know that every writer deals with this. You are not alone.

I give myself permission to be disappointed and then I try something else. We’re afraid of failure. Our culture teaches us to be afraid of it. We publicly shame mistakes. We laugh at people who fall and we splash it all over social media. But the truth is, failure means you tried. Failure means you took a risk. Failure means you pushed yourself out of the status quo and poured effort into a task that had no guarantee of succeeding. Like every hero you’ve ever read about. We need to be brave, you guys. We need to punch fear in the face and realize that failure is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, if we failed more often, I bet we’d succeed more often. Think about it.