Last Tuesday, we shared the winners from the 100-word challenge on Go Teen Writers. Since I’m the person who sends out all the emails with the feedback, I’m the only one who gets to see all the entries as well as the responses from both the first and second round judges.
As I sent out emails, I was struck anew by how subjective writing (and all of art) really is. One judge would love something that the other didn’t even mention. One judge would adore something specific that the writer did, and the other would comment that they didn’t understand that specific thing.
We all know this is how it works with art, that our feelings about it are personal. That’s why your best friend will give a glowing recommendation of a book, but when you read it, you find it cheesy. Or your brother will love a movie, and you fall asleep during it.
This is also why ten literary agents will pass on your manuscript, but three will love it and want you for a client. Or two judges in a contest will think your chapter is fantastic, and the third will pick it apart and suggest a rewrite.
And this is why it’s important that you mourn rejections quickly and move on with the business of putting your writing out there.Here’s what works for me in the face of rejection, and maybe it will work for you too:
1. Acknowledge what I’m feeling.
I used to think that is was unprofessional to be upset about rejections or criticism. That to be a “real writer” I needed to be tough.
But the goal isn’t to become a robot artist who doesn’t feel pain when rejection comes. I’ve been a professional writer for 10+ years now and bad reviews still hurt my feelings. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging to yourself or trusted friends that this hurts you, that you’re disappointed.
2. Set a mourning period.
For really big disappointments, I take time off writing to feel sad.
Once in my pre-published days, a publishing house passed after having my manuscript for 7 months. I was devastated. I allowed myself a day to feel really sucky, eat all the ice cream, and cry about the unfairness of the world.
But the next day, it was time to go back to writing.
3. “All feedback is a gift.”
That obnoxious quote, that all feedback is a gift, is something my pastor has shared with me that has been so meaningful during hard rejections.
During rejection or betrayal, my nature is to get mean, even if it’s just inside my head. Oh, you don’t like my writing? I don’t even think I want to be published by you since you guys published this book that I thought was terrible. I wouldn’t be published by you if you were the last publishing house on earth!
That’s a fantastic way to never grow as a writer or person.
Trying to view all feedback as a gift, as a way to learn and improve, is going to be a lifelong journey for me, but I’ll be healthier and happier along the way.
4. What’s mine to own and what’s not mine?
That being said, not all feedback is really something I need to act on.
At a book signing, a friend made a comment about my current release (Within These Lines) being so much more interesting than “that other middle school girl drama stuff of yours.”
It was a comment meant to be a compliment (he’s a nice guy and would never intentionally say something hurtful) but I felt a rush of shame come over me. I brushed it off in the moment, but I’ve thought about it a lot since then.
Eventually, I had to land on this not being something I needed to take action on, that I should therefore release from my thoughts. He’s not a high school aged girl, which means he’s not my target audience. My books are not written for him, so it’s lovely if I release one that happens to capture his interest—that’s a win—but appealing to his tastes should never be my goal.
This is a really important thing to consider when you’re receiving critiques from multiple people. Just like our first and second round judges, those readers will have different opinions. One will love your zippy main character, and the other will find her annoying. One will think the brother is a bit flat, and he’ll be the favorite character of the other. Look for the overlap in their feedback, the places where they agree, and pay attention to how their suggestions feel to you. Often times we sense something is amiss in our story, and when a critiquer points it out, it just confirms what we suspected.
After that inevitable rejection happens—whether it’s an editor or a friend—keep on writing. Keep on submitting. Keep on receiving that gift of feedback and letting go of what’s unhelpful.
What’s the most helpful piece of feedback you’ve ever received, even if it wasn’t fun in the moment?
p.s. If you’re a Go Teen Writers Notes subscriber, you got to read this article early! If you’re not, you can sign up here.
I’m still learning that not all feedback is something I need to act on … but I don’t want that to be an excuse for myself to not grow, either. So I’m trying to tread this knowledge carefully. There’s this meme traveling around that says something like, “Why would you accept criticism from someone you wouldn’t go to for advice?” While I think the sentiment is a good one, I think it can also be dangerous. Sometimes we learn some of the most valuable lessons from those we don’t trust/ who don’t understand us, because it opens our eyes to look at ourselves from a new perspective. EVEN if that perspective is false, it’s still great to have that experience and learn from it. Even so … I still need to learn where to draw that line between helpful and hurtful criticism when applying it to my writing ;D GREAT POST 🙂
YES. Discernment is critical for handling feedback.
Those are really wise reflections, Keturah. You’re right, it’s very dangerous to just surround ourselves with people who think like us/affirm us. We can learn from all kinds of people, which is sometimes very humbling. I’ve found that it helps to have friends to talk through it with, whether it’s life stuff or writing stuff. Sometimes we need another voice to help us process the feedback we’re receiving.
Ah, there’s been so many instances! Probably the feedback that my major conflict needed to be at least hinted at in the first chapter. The presentation of that feedback was the strongest I’ve ever endured and stung for weeks, but drama aside, I know it’ll make the story better.
I’ve had a similar situation where the advice was correct, but the delivery made me feel ashamed/stupid/etc. It can be hard to view that advice objectively.
I got my first rejection this week, and while I didn’t exactly throw a party, it didn’t get me down either. I guess some people will like my book and some won’t, why should agents be any different?
I haven’t gotten any real feedback from agents yet, but I did get good critical feedback from beta readers and edited my book based on that, changing to accommodate most of the criticisms. I do hope that made my book better. I had five beta readers and one of them didn’t like my book and returned it after one chapter. Of the remaining four, three loved it, one liked it.
I expect that agents will be more critical, but I only need one. I remain positive for now. In the coming weeks that will probably pass without a response I will probably get more negative, but for now I think I’ll have a coke. Cheers and good writing.
Just remember to keep your chin up, Jack, when it comes to rejections! I know from experience that when I’ve written something I’ve absolutely fallen in love with, it’s devastating to get heavy criticism. It’s a completely natural response for everyone, but critique is also natural and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer, it just means some things need to be altered. I like to think of it as a really dusty bookshelf! Once you get through all the layers of dust, beneath it you have a beautiful story. Keep it up, Jack! 🙂
Jack, sounds like you have such a great, healthy attitude about the rejection. That will serve you well!
Sometimes rejection doesn’t even phase me. Other times, I think (ahem, pout) about it way too long. It’s definitely a plus to be able to set aside the hurt over rejection. A great reminder!
Some great tips! Thanks for sharing!