As I’ve been mentoring my Blood of Kings Legends authors, I’ve found myself going back to some of the things I learned from my first few editors in the publishing industry. These were the people who taught me many of the hard and fast “rules” of writing that I missed from reading books and attending writing conferences over the years.

Did you catch that? I got published even with some newbie mistakes in my writing. That’s good news, isn’t it? While those of you seeking traditional publication should be striving to write the best manuscript you can, publishers are ultimately looking for a great story. They know that a few writing craft issues can be taught, but it’s much harder to teach how to engage readers in a powerful story.

All this to say, I’ve decided to launch a series on some of the important writing craft lessons I learned from my editors. Today’s topic: dialogue attribution. The most important lesson my editors taught me: Always try to give just enough to let the reader understand what’s happening. This keeps you from overwriting and from telling. Let’s take a closer look.

What is Dialogue Attribution?

Dialogue is conversation between two or more characters in a story. Dialogue is set apart from narrative by quotation marks. Dialogue attribution is a fancy way to describe the act of identifying a speaker after a piece of dialogue, the little “he said” phrase tacked on to the end. These are also called speech attributions or said tags.

Dialogue attributions can be used for more than simply identifying a speaker. You can also use them to show something about the behavior of the speaker. And you can use them as “beats” to create rhythm and pacing in a conversation. That word “beat” in regard to said tags comes from two places. It ties back to music and the beats in a measure. Said tags tend to create a pause in dialogue, which can feel like a musical rest beat. Beats are also used in screenwriting where writers might use the word “beat” to suggest a pause to the actor.

To recap, said tags can 1) identify the speaker; 2) show the speaker’s actions; and 3) place a pause in the dialogue.

Identifying the Speaker

The main reason to use dialogue attributions is to help the reader know who is speaking. Imagine reading something like this in a book:

“You’re too untrusting.”

“I’m sure you’re right. I just can’t believe our teacher would do that.”

“Teachers can do whatever they want, and kids can’t do anything about it.”

“Want to bet?”

I have no idea what is going on here. It could be two people. It could be four. Without dialogue attribution, I have no idea.

If the reader knows there are only two people in the scene, then you don’t have to identify every line of speech. If you use tags on the first two, the reader will assume every other following line changes speakers. (See the editing section below for an example of this.) When you bring in a third character, you need to work harder to make sure all dialogue is clearly attributed. This is also true if narration, description, or action has interrupted the dialogue. If you don’t mark the speaker, the reader will be confused.

Before, After, or In Between

There are several ways to use a said tag to punctuate dialogue. Dialogue tags can come before, in the middle of, or at the end of dialogue.

You can write your dialogue and follow it with a said tag.

“I can’t believe John left,” Megan said.

“What do you mean, he left?” Jenny asked.

You can start with the said tag, then write the dialogue.

Megan said, “I can’t believe John left.”

Jenny asked, “What do you mean, he left?”

A said tag can interrupt the dialogue as well, though that can sometimes change the way the dialogue sounds.

“I just can’t believe,” Megan said, “that John left.”

“What do you mean?” Jenny said. “He left?”

And then you can even avoid using a said tag altogether and instead use what is called an action tag.

Megan sighed and wiped away a tear. “I can’t believe John left.”

Jenny wrung her hands. “What do you mean, he left?”

Look back and study how I punctuated each sentence. There are three important things to remember when punctuating dialogue. First, whenever you use a said tag, that said tag is part of the sentence that includes the dialogue. This means that you end the dialogue with a comma when the said tag comes at the end of the sentence, and when the tag comes before the dialogue, you end the tag with a comma. Unless, of course, you are using a question mark or exclamation point.

When punctuating a dialogue tag, the comma, question mark, or exclamation point that goes with the dialogue always comes inside the quotation marks.

Since the said tag is part of the sentence, the first word of the said tag is lowercase unless it is a proper noun.

“I’m hungry,” she said.

She said, “I’m hungry.”

“I’m hungry,” Grandma said.

Grandma said, “I’m hungry.”

“Did you want to go and get a pizza?” she asked.

“Did you want to go and get a pizza?” Grandma asked.

She asked, “Do you want to go and get a pizza?”

For more help with correctly punctuating dialogue, see this post on punctuation dialogue and action tags or check out my book Punctuation 101, which has all the punctuation rules a fiction writer could even need, all in one little book.

Showing the Speaker’s Actions

The second way authors can use dialogue attribution is to write said or action tags that show the speaker’s actions. An action tag is where you have a sentence of action from the speaker in the same paragraph with their dialogue, and that replaces the need for a said tag.

Said tag with action: “Come here,” Mandy said, waving me over.

Action tag alone: Mandy waved me over. “Come here.”

When I’m writing a first draft, I end up using a bunch of generic action tags. This is because I’m fast-drafting, and I’m in a hurry to put words on the page. Here are some examples of generic action tags: He shrugged. She laughed. He coughed. She rolled her eyes. He grinned. She smiled. He groaned. She scowled. He frowned.

I have to edit out all my generic tags in the revision and editing stage.

Action tags go even deeper than simply showing actions. You can also show your POV character’s narrative thoughts. You can show personality of your POV character and other speakers. You can show character tics, bring in props, show expression, tone of voice, or add in any of the five senses.

Here is a short glimpse of how I broke down the action tags in a scene from my book The New Recruit.

       Arianna forced me onto the bench beside Gabe. “Be right back.” She nudged Gabe. “Make him stay.” (–The first one shows Arianna’s forceful personality. She’s bossing people around. It’s what she does.)
       “Spencer, Arianna says stay.” Gabe flashed his metal smile and looked at my shirt. “Ooh. What happened?” (–Here I remind the reader that Gabe has braces. Gabe looks at Spencer’s shirt and comments on it because that’s a natural reaction to the fact that Spencer is a mess, which reminds the reader what Spencer looks like, as well.)
       “Jeb Beary happened.” I flicked spaghetti off my black necktie. “I hate school uniforms.” No sign of Isabel yet. My tray looked like roadkill. I shoveled spaghetti into my mouth anyway, keeping one eye on the entrance for exotic Ee-sa-bell. (–Here we get Spencer’s action to match the spaghetti mess problem. Then he’s thinking about Isabel.)
       “You normally sit with the basketball team?” Gabe asked.
       “Yeah,” I said, opening my carton of milk. (–A description of what he’s doing.)

This is a peek from a blog post I wrote on this topic. The scene goes on in the original post and includes a second scene. Click on the link if you want to read more examples of action tags.

Stephanie also wrote a great post you can read on dialogue tags versus action beats.

A Note on Telling How Something Is Said

Be very careful not to use –ly adverbs attached to a said tag, like: “Why?” I asked suspiciously.

Also try not to use the “with a” trick, which I’ve been guilty of many times. “Why?” she asked with a grin.

These are both obvious forms of telling. You’re telling the reader how to read the dialogue. It’s much better writing to find ways to let your dialogue show what is happening than to use telling tricks.

That’s not to say there is never a reason to use an –ly adverb. You may have a line of dialogue that needs a little bit of clarity. Just make sure that happens rarely.

Placing a Pause in the Dialogue

The third way authors can use dialogue tags is to create a pause in dialogue. In the following example, the dialogue tag and its corresponding action create a beat that separates the first bit of dialogue from the second. We can not only picture this person picking up socks, we can feel the tension.

“Hey, Brad,” I said, picking up three socks on my way across the room. “Could you at least try to aim for the laundry basket?”

You can use beats with your dialogue tags to add pacing and show the actions of your characters within the setting.

When Editing Dialogue Attributions

Use Paragraphs!

The following is an example of something I see often with new writers. What is wrong in this example?

“Where are you going?” Brian asked. Martha opened the door. “I am going to the zoo.” “I have always wanted to see a zebra,” Brian said. “Can I come with you?”

If you said it’s hard to know who is saying what because there are no paragraphs, you win ten points! As I said up above, it’s important to keep each character’s words and actions in the same paragraph, and when another character speaks or acts, you need to start a new paragraph. This helps readers keep track of who is saying and doing what.

“Where are you going?” Brian asked.

Martha opened the door. “I am going to the zoo.”

“I have always wanted to see a zebra,” Brian said. “Can I come with you?”

Keep Each Character’s Dialogue and Actions in the Same Paragraph

New writers tend to get confused about when to start a new paragraph. Too often, they either don’t use enough paragraphs, like in the last example, or they start too many as shown in the following example:

“Are you tired?”

Jenny walked across the room and stroked her daughter’s hair.

Becky grunted.

“I didn’t get my walk today. Want to go?”

Jenny smiled, hoping to cheer the girl.

It’s not clear from the formatting above who is saying what. Moving character’s dialogue and action into the same paragraph clears that up.

“Are you tired?” Jenny walked across the room and stroked her daughter’s hair.

Becky grunted.

“I didn’t get my walk today. Want to go?” Jenny smiled, hoping to cheer the girl.

“Said” is Best

Picture it. I was sitting at my desk as a student teacher in a fourth grade classroom. My mentor teacher was at the board, and she began a lesson by asking students to shout our alternative words for “said.”

Inside, I was screaming, “Nooooo!”

When I was seeking publication, over and over I heard editors and agents teach against such creativity. The reason? Dialogue attributions should be invisible. They are more of a punctuation tool than narration. Tags stand out as odd when you write things like this:

“It’s not my fault,” Gabe argued.

“Everyone should eat a fried egg for breakfast,” Casey opined.

Plus, such tags are usually redundant too.

Dialogue attributions are not the place to get creative and descriptive. When you do that, you take away from your dialogue, which is arguably one of the best parts of a story. Spend your creative energies on writing witty dialogue and stick with said. Asked, yelled, whispered, and mumbled are exceptions since they indicate specific types of dialogue. Just remember, your goal is to have your dialogue stand out, not its attribution. It is completely acceptable to use said over and over, though I’ll show you how to get rid of said in the editing section below.

For more inspiration, check out the fabulous post Stephanie wrote called Creative Alternatives for “Said” and Why You Don’t Need Them.

Use the Right Order

I probably never would have noticed this one if not for one of my editors who wanted me to always use said tags in the right order with the “he” or “she” first followed by the word said. The point? You wouldn’t say:

“Johnny? Come outside,” said she.

That sounds a little too much like Shakespeare, or something.

My editor wanted me to always make sure the name or pronoun came first. So, I would also write: “Johnny? Come outside,” Mom said. Versus saying, said Mom.

You might think it a bit nitpicky, but it does create an admirable consistency in your writing.

When You Have a Big Paragraph of Dialogue

If you’re written a long sentence/paragraph of dialogue, cut in as early as you can with your said tag so that your reader isn’t wondering who the speaker is as they read through a lengthy speech.

Here is an example from my book Magic Hunters. In the first example, notice how late the said tag comes in.

“He paid a local witch to bespell some of the castle staff—so they would support his efforts yet be incapable of telling anyone. When magic left, so did the spells. The people he used have been unable to speak—like Izabella they remember nothing—but their families have come forward and helped piece together much of the mystery,” Queen Belle said. “My guess is that Monsieur LeGume hopes to usurp the throne of Fleur de Lis.”

The dialogue attribution is WAY down toward the end of the paragraph. It’s too far. The reader has to read a lot of dialogue before they know for certain who is speaking. This is easily fixed by shifting the said tag up to the earliest natural place to pause.

“He paid a local witch to bespell some of the castle staff,” Queen Belle said. “They would support his efforts yet be incapable of telling anyone. When magic left, so did the spells. The people he used have been unable to speak—like Izabella they remember nothing—but their families have come forward and helped piece together much of the mystery.” My guess is that Monsieur LeGume hopes to usurp the throne of Fleur de Lis.”

My final edit has no said tag at all. I replaced it with action to show what is happening between the characters. I used one action beat at the start of the paragraph, but I saved the second for a place where I could strategically pause the conversation. This gives a little more impact to Queen Belle’s final words, which come as a strong accusation against the villain in the story.

Queen Belle opened a jar. “He paid a local witch to bespell some of the castle staff—so they would support his efforts yet be incapable of telling anyone. When magic left, so did the spells. The people he used have been unable to speak—like Izabella they remember nothing—but their families have come forward and helped piece together much of the mystery.” She smeared some kind of ointment over Hunter’s cut and began wrapping linen around his arm. “My guess is that Monsieur LeGume hopes to usurp the throne of Fleur de Lis.”

Frequency

Make sure to use only one dialogue tag per paragraph. You can use both an action tag and a said tag, but there is no need to. You certainly don’t want something that looks like this:

“Will you come in here and help me?” Grant asked. “I have to clean my room or I can’t go to the game, but it starts at seven, and I haven’t started yet.” He picked up some laundry and carried it to the hamper in the bathroom. “Mark?” he said. “Are you even listening?”

If you catch yourself with more than one said tag in the same paragraph, get rid of one right away! Or get rid of both of them. Which brings me to my next point.

Work Hard to Get Rid of Said Tags and Generic Action Tags

I’m an advocate of writing messy first drafts. As I said before, my first drafts are filled with “he saids” and generic action tags. When I go back in to revise, I there are several things I work on in regards to dialogue attributions.

First, I try to get rid of as many said tags and generic action tags as possible and replace them with useful action tags.

Second, I look for places where I don’t need any tags. If only two characters are engaged in a conversation, and the reader knows there are only two people in the scene, I can drop some of my said tags to tighten up the conversation. The every-other nature of speaking will make it clear to the reader who is saying what words. Remember, when you do this, you must identify each speaker at least once. And you must create a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.

We covered a lot today. I hope you found something helpful. Dialogue is such an important part of fiction writing, and you want to make sure yours is strong. Work hard to become an expert at all these little rules because they matter. When you put your work before an editor or an agent, you don’t want anything to keep them from turning the pages and falling in love with your story.

Which part of dialogue attribution do you find most challenging? Share in the comments.

Jill Williamson is a chocolate loving, daydreaming, creator of kingdoms, and the author of several young adult fantasy novels including the Blood of Kings trilogy. She loves teaching about writing. She blogs at goteenwriters.com and also posts writing videos on her YouTube channel and on Instagram. Jill is a Whovian, a Photoshop addict, and a recovering fashion design assistant. She grew up in Alaska without running water or electricity and now lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two kids. Find Jill online at jillwilliamson.com or on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.