For the past couple Fridays, we’ve spent a lot of time talking about querying an agent. I’ve mentioned this as often as I felt I could without beating you over the head with it, but really, failure is a huge part of success.
If you’re going to be brave and try your hand at this writing thing, if you’re going to put your work out there and hope it attracts an industry professional, you’re going to have to learn how to get back up after a fall.
And no one can drop the how-to manual into your head. It’s something you can only learn by doing.
Example:
My kid was seven years old when he received an invitation to a birthday party at the local skating rink. Fun, yes? The only problem was we’d never taken him skating.
Total parent fail, you guys. Seriously.
I mean, if there’s anything a seven year old boy would like to avoid, it’s being the WORST at something. Especially in front of his entire class.
So, the day before the party we took him skating. You know, let him give it a whirl, give him a quick lesson, and well, see just how damaged he was going to be when all was said and done.
And while the kid is generally a fast learner, there’s something incredibly painful about watching your son fall every few seconds. We tried to catch him, we let him hang onto the wall, we practiced on the carpet, but progress was . . . well . . . non-existent.
And that’s when it hit me: we have to let him fall. Well, we have to let him get out there and try. If he falls, he falls. It’s the only way to learn.
You know what else, after a while, we wouldn’t let him hang onto the wall. We were vicious.
He scowled at us a bit, but he made it around the rink. He fell. Lots. But, he learned to take it slow. He found that if he didn’t–if he went faster than he was learning–he’d fall right over.
It was a tough lesson. One that comes with bruised elbows and skinned knees. And in a day and age where we can get most anything at the snap of a finger, the click of a button, or a trip through the drive-thru, it’s inspiring to watch a child learn something by trial and error.
By falling and getting back up.
To my great surprise, he liked falling, er, skating. He wanted to go back. He wasn’t the best at the birthday party–not by a long shot–but he’d learned that falling wasn’t the end of the world.
You just get your feet back under you again and you stand up. It’s a lesson all of us must learn. And there’s no better time than when you’re young.
How about you? How do you handle trying and failing? Any advice for those too afraid to give their dreams a whirl?
Shannon Dittemore is an author and speaker. Her books include the Angel Eyes trilogy, a supernatural foray into the realm of angels and demons, as well as the fantastical adventure novel Winter, White and Wicked. Its sequel, Rebel, Brave and Brutal is due out January 10, 2023.
Shannon’s stories feature strong female leads grappling with fear and faith as they venture into the wilds of the unknown. She’s often wondered if she’s writing her own quest for bravery again and again.
It’s a choice she values highly. Bravery. And she’s never more inspired than when young people ball up their fist and punch fear in the face.
To that end, Shannon takes great joy in working with young writers, both in person and online at Go Teen Writers, an instructional blog recognized by Writer’s Digest four years running as a “101 Best Websites for Writers” selection.
For more about Shannon and her books, please visit her website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Great post! Very encouraging.
Thank you!
Love this! My advice would be just do it! Send out your manuscript/queries. Yes, rejection hurts, sometimes it REALLY hurts. It’s okay to cry. Believe me, I have. But just remember, you don’t need everyone to say yes, you only need the RIGHT yes.
Crying is okay, yes! It is important to acknowledge the inevitable hurt and to be okay with feeling the pain of it. Pretending that’s not part of the process is naive.
Miss Shannon,
That’s a timeless lesson for life, everybody fails. Analyzing failure and acting on your findings is a skill you must have if you ever want to improve at anything. History is full of examples of this.
Abraham Lincoln went to war as a captain and came home as a private. Winston Churchill failed a grade in elementary school and of course almost everyone knows that Edison had over a thousand failed attempts at a light bulb before he found success.
What you say sounds simple but I think it’s quite profound. Be diligent and you’ll find success.
Thank you for the encouragement.
And thank you for weighing in! You’re so right. Trying and failing is a necessary part of any success and history is full of inspiring examples.
When I get hit by a writing rejection of any kind (the publisher passed, my agent didn’t like what I sent, a brutal book review, etc.) I give myself one day. One day to feel my uncensored feelings. To zone out to Netflix. To rant (in private, to safe people) about the unfairness, etc. And then I have to get back to work, whatever that means. Often with a bad review or rejection, that means asking myself, “What’s mine to own and what isn’t?” I’ve found that question to be a really helpful way to process set backs and figure out the best way forward.
Yup! The quick wallow. It’ll save your life, I think.
It’s so important that we don’t let writing scare us. We’ll always wonder what might have happened if we had just tried. We have to let ourselves mess up sometimes. We have to be willing to make mistakes so that we can produce blessing. No one is a genius at the first try. Everyone has failed at one time or another, but it was those who didn’t give up, those who didn’t let their mistakes scare them and hold them back, who succeeded.
Thank you for this post!
I love this > “but it was those who didn’t give up, those who didn’t let their mistakes scare them and hold them back, who succeeded.”