I think we will all relate to this email we received at Go Teen Writers that I’ll be sharing today. Since there’s a lot worth responding to, I’m going to share a few snippets of it throughout my post so that I can take time to respond to each issue:
I am so worried about everything in my story. I fret so much that it’s just not right, but then other days, I’m proud of myself. It’s a real Jekyll and Hyde vicious cycle.
This is so normal, we have a meme for it:
This happens to new writers and veteran writers. To best sellers and unpublished. So it’s normal … but what can we do about it?
Have a pep talk prepared.
You know these mood swings are going to happen, so prepare for them. When you’re feeling like your writing just isn’t where you want it to be, find a quote or mantra you can lean on. Maybe it’s, “I’ll fix it in edits,” which is something I tell myself quite a bit during a first draft. Post it near your writing space and read it as often as you need to!
Have a friend you can talk to.
More on this later, but one of the most helpful things for me is when I can send a message to a writer friend. I know we don’t all have this luxury—I haven’t always had it either—but sharing all your crazy writer emotions and thoughts with a fellow writer and hearing them say, “Oh, yeah. I go through that too,” is a wonderful boost.
Okay, now more from this writer’s email:
What would help is someone to talk to me about everything, characters, world building, motives, literally everything. The problem is, I can’t get people to read it. My brother and mom have read it, but everyone else, they read a little, and then they STOP.
Oh, I can so relate. Here’s a fun Stephanie The Teen Writer story for you. I have a vivid memory of going over to a friend’s house with my handwritten story tucked in my backpack. I pulled it out, asked if she wanted to hear it, and when she said yes, I started reading it to her.
I wasn’t even halfway down the page when she turned on the TV.
(Later during my stay at her house, her evil older brother found it and read pieces in a mocking voice, followed by laughter. I thought I might spontaneously combust, I was so embarrassed.)
So what do we do in a situation like this, other then snarl about how dumb people are and make them villains in our next book?
First we have to recognize that not everybody is a worthy reader of our early work. In defense of my poor friend, she wasn’t much of a reader, and was probably just being polite when she said she was interested in my story. I was too desperate for feedback and fanfare to recognize it at the time, but she wasn’t the best choice for me to open myself up to.
At the same time, I fully believe “all feedback is a gift,” which is an obnoxious quote my pastor has shared. If people are reading a little and then stopping, you can choose to learn from that feedback. It might mean that there’s an issue with the beginning of the book, or it could mean you haven’t found the right beta readers. Or it could mean both!
Lastly, our fellow writer asks:
So what I’m saying is I need help finding beta readers who are willing to read a bad book so I don’t have to wallow in this mess forever. Where do I go to find them?
The search for good critique partners is hard work for the majority of writers. I was 22 before I found my first writer friends, and I’ve been a part of a few critique groups with varying levels of success.
Here are some suggestions for finding people:
- If you’re in your teenage years and on Facebook, consider joining the Go Teen Writers Community Facebook group. Many writers there enjoy critiquing for each other.
- Your local library might have young writer programs or groups that meet there. Ask your librarian. If you go to a bigger school, you might ask your English teacher or school librarian.
- Are there writing conferences near you that you can attend? That’s how I started building my network of writer friends. If you live in the Kansas City area, Johnson County Library puts on a free writers conference every fall that’s wonderful. This last year they did a young writer’s track too. Try Googling the name of your closest big town and the words “writer conference” and see what comes up.
- Sometimes local bookstores know about writing groups, so that could be a good resource too.
- Participate in NaNoWriMo this November and actually do the live community events. They also have a young writers program.
And here are some thoughts on building writer friendships:
- Start with something small, like a chapter. Eventually we all need friends who will be willing to read our sub par drafts and give us feedback on the book as a whole, but that’s a big ask early on. Try asking them to read a chapter, and then go from there.
- Recognize that unless this is a mentoring situation, neither of you are really leading the other. You’re both going to be learning and growing as you continue to write, and you’ll be able to strengthen each other along the way. Even though most of us wish for a friend who is “ahead” and can give us some kind of boost to the next writing/publishing level, it’s beautiful to learn and grow alongside someone.
- Be a giver, not just a taker. Whenever possible, exchange critiques.
- Pay attention to how you feel after a critique. While there’s nothing wrong with walking away from a critique feeling frustrated by how much work you now realize your book needs or sad that the character isn’t working like you thought they would, I would consider it a red flag if you walk away feeling ashamed, less-than, hopeless, or deeply discouraged. Those are signs that this might not be a good writer friend to pursue. The best critiques I receive leave me with a list of things I need to work on, but full of hope for how much better the book will be for it.
Wise Go Teen Writers community, any additional advice to offer our fellow writer? Do you have a writing quote that might inspire her to stick with it when she’s feeling down about her writing?
This is a great post, Stephanie, thanks so much! (I really love the meme!)
As far as advice, I think another way to look for a writing partner/beta reader is if you know someone who reads a lot of the same genre in which you right and is willing to talk about their favorite parts of stories with you. Right now my most helpful partner isn’t actually a writer, she just reads a ton and has a good imagination. Plus, she’s willing to listen to me talk for an hour while staring at a board of post-its trying to figure out a plot hole! So just pay attention to the people you know and what they’re interested in, and be willing to think outside the box a little.
Oh, and for an inspiring quote: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” -Theodore Roosevelt
You are the man in the arena, putting in all the hard work, not the people who read and critique you.
Sorry, I know that’s really long!
I love that Theodore Roosevelt quote. I had never heard it until a few years ago, and I think about it a lot now. Glad you brought it up!
And yes, non-writers can be great critiquers or brainstormers. Thanks for sharing that!
That quote is awesome. Thanks 🙂
Something about finding writing friends-social writing/reading places like fanfiction.net and Wattpad are really good for this. I write fanfiction alongside my novels and being part of a fandom with people like me who also write has helped me grow from their feedback. I have friends who are older and more experienced, some who are exactly where I am, and others younger and less experienced, but either way, I can count on their advice. Since we like similar books/movies, they’ll probably have similar tastes to me and all of them are around my age or target audience, which makes it easier to see where in the story it needs to be better for the target audience to enjoy it.
Also, I know on Wattpad there are book clubs where you get critiques once a week from one author (usually around 3 chapter) and then you switch every week, so you get a variety of feedback from people of all ages and skills. You could also choose to stay with a critique partner in those for future weeks so they can read the whole book and give a full review. Those are really helpful not only to have feedback, but to also make friends and get your work and writing read more.
Thank you for sharing that! I used to write on Fanfiction.net waaaaay back in 2003ish and I found the community there to be really encouraging and fun. I know I used to email with some of the writers I met there, so you’re right! That can be a great place!
Great post! I love your tangled meme! So fitting for a writer. That is exactly how I feel sometimes.?
On the topic of finding writing friends and community, anyone know of any good magazines for young writers?
I don’t know of any that are specifically targeted at young writers. I suppose it depends on if you’re looking for places to submit or places to learn from. As a teen writer, I subscribed to Writer’s Digest to learn, but it didn’t help with building friendships. It did teach me a lot about the writing community, though.
Ok thanks!
I love this advice and the meme. I showed it to a friend of mine who also writes and she gave a nod of approval.
This is pretty much what living with me is like 🙂
It is hard to find beta readers. I think I find a decent amount, but having an actual writing group has been my dream. I’m starting to develop a few mutual friendships that I think are heading toward this sort of idea. But yes … such a lovely post!
keturahskorner.blogspot.com
Keturah, it really is challenging to build a group where everyone can exchange. I know it happens, but I’ve never had much luck with it. Jill, Shannon, and I sometimes swap, but often one of us is too slammed during the season that someone needs the critique done. Getting schedules to line up is tricky!
Great post! I love the Tangled meme ?.
When my perfectionism kicks in, I use this quote by Jodi Picoult: “You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.” It helps me a lot.
Ooh, yes, great quote!
She is so brilliant. Thank you for sharing that quote! I feel that way, but I’ve never thought it so concisely, that’s helpful!
Another writing community that I found really helpful (but also potentially distracting) Is the Young Writer’s Workshop. It costs a little money, but they also have scholarships. And for anyone who might be interested in it, I’d recommend having clear limits on how long to spend on the Community each day (I ended up getting super distracted by it and ended up having to quit it for that and a few other reasons) Overall, it’s super helpful. Having limits can just be helpful.
Yes, communities like that can be amazingly helpful. I love that you’ve learned how to set limits on yourself because there’s no end to ways we can get distracted by writing-related activities. It’s important to find a balance!
I really can’t believe it! I’ve just signed in and already LOVING it. Your words are really inspiring and I guess they actually worked on me. Thanks.